I have started over a few times in my life. I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but that’s a topic for another day. The upside is that I learned a thing or two during each one of my “reboots” that may help you through yours.
I have worked with computers my whole career and the one thing I learned that has helped me immensely get through my multiple life makeovers is that sometimes you just have to start over. Anyone that has tried to do something new on a computer knows that there sometimes comes a point in the process where you can’t even keep track of the updates, edits, and re-formats that you have done. The same is true in our lives. We have taken so many backroads and shortcuts that we are not really sure how we got where we are. The only thing for certain is that in both scenarios, we are in a place we don’t want to be, and we are not exactly sure how we got there.
It is at this point that a decision must be made. Our first instinct is to push forward and try to fix the situation we are in, but most of the time trying to do this just gets us further off track, and farther away from where we want to be. Not to mention, the amount of time that was wasted not getting us any closer to our goal. It is in moments like these, that it is sometimes just easier to start over. Take a deep breath, hit the reset button, and start from a clean slate. However, if we are going to be successful this time, we need to do things differently.
What probably got us jammed up in the first place was that we didn’t really take enough time to define what it was that we were trying to do. Let alone devise a plan for getting there. We told ourselves we knew everything we needed to know, so we didn’t need to write it down and off we went. This time we need to be more focused and detailed. We need to spend some time learning about ourselves and getting in touch with what we really want. We need to do some introspection.
What is introspection and why is it important?
Broadly defined, introspection is an exercise at looking inward so that we can better understand ourselves. But what does that really mean? What I think it means is that we need to start becoming aware of what we are feeling in particular moments and identifying if what we are reacting to is what is really causing us to have this feeling or if some past, still unhealed trauma is continuing to wreak havoc in our lives.
We really need to roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty with this one. It’s not until we can recognize when we are being triggered by something else, can we really start to pinpoint the places in our lives where we have room to grow. Practicing introspection gives us better insight into our emotions so that we can understand and manage them better.
By establishing regular check ins with ourselves, we can identify potential issues before they become full-fledged problems. It gives us the opportunity to make small adjustments more frequently. Once we are in tune with our triggers and our reactions to those triggers, we are no longer taken by surprise when strong emotions come up. It’s not that we no longer feel them. It’s just that now we understand why we are feeling them, and we can adjust our responses accordingly. We are starting to control our emotions instead of letting them control us.
How to become more introspective.
Self Monitoring
The most important thing that we can do to start becoming more introspective is to try to consciously check in with ourselves on a regular basis. It is especially important to have a check in when we find we are having a strong emotional reaction. It is in these moments that we have tangible, real-time, insight into what triggered us and what our reaction to that trigger was. Using that information, we can start adjusting our habits and thought processes so that we can start having healthier interactions.
Self Awareness
Research has proven that self-aware people have “stronger relationships, a clearer sense of purpose, and greater well-being, and happiness”. And who doesn’t want to be happier, right?
But what exactly is self-awareness? It’s knowing how we feel about our place in the world and why we feel that way. It’s knowing that we feel good about where we are in our lives and are satisfied with the progression. More importantly, it’s knowing that we are feeling anxious or disappointed in some area of our life and acknowledging that some changes are needed. For change to occur, the admission that change is needed is a crucial first step.
Mindfulness
The longer we practice mindfulness, the easier being introspective will become. When we start paying attention to what is happening around us and how we are responding to it, we can create some distance between the trigger and the response. It is in that space that we start to understand how much control we really do have in how we respond to things that trigger us.
Just remember, becoming more introspective and self-aware doesn’t happen overnight. It is a lifelong journey, but it does gets easier with practice. And trust me, it’s worth it. The farther down the path we go, the more we find out about ourselves and armed with this knowledge we can start adjusting our thoughts, habits and behaviors in ways that help us grow as people.
